Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Would you also like me to wipe your butt?

Why the hell do I have to "make arrangements" with the hotel? Can't my guests do anything for themselves? The hotel block booking arrangement says that we have to guarantee ten rooms and if we don't use all ten that we have to eat the balance. This is better than the Northwest Airline "deal" which only goes into effect (a whopping 5%) if ten people TAKE THE SAME FLIGHT. Anyway, I go to a AAA travel site and the same rooms are $20 less without having to make a quota. Businesses either despise wedding people or they drool over the prospect of a fat weekend but the word "wedding" seems to bring its own 25% surcharge wherever it goes.

We've now jumped into the "less than four months" pool. I wonder who freaks first. I hope it's not me, that would make me gayer than I already am.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

How about a nose ring?

I disagree with anyone who says that I can't make decisions. I chose my wife to be. Happily. Decisively. So get off my ass about selecting a wedding ring.

I don't like wearing jewelry at all. It's uncomfortable, dangerous and another thing I have to worry about losing. I had an ID bracelet in the 5th grade but that didn't work out. Now I'm supposed to pick out a ring that I will be comfortable wearing for THE REST OF MY LIFE. Some models seem to be angular and have edges. Some are rounded but rise high over my finger. There are wide bands and thin bands. I DON'T CARE! The only thing I know for sure is that I want it to be plain.

I have chosen which finger I'm going to wear it on. Points? Don't I get points?

Monday, June 07, 2004

There are no GROOM MAGAZINES for a reason.

I always hear about how all the groom has to do is just show up on the wedding day. Apparently I royally screwed this up. How did I end up on the planning committee? I'm NOT a giant pussy, I swear. Maybe I am, I don't know. What I am is out-of-work and looking for gainful employment. And she's financially challenged. And our parents aren't doing aren't doing none so great either. So since I'm currently without dough means I can't just write her a check and tell her to go to town. Instead, I have to help. You know what's helpful when you're trying to find a job? Spending the entire morning calling the City's Parks Department to find out if when you rent the lawn in front of the fountain, whether or not the parking lot is included.

How did this happen to me?

And the answer, by the way, is NO. You have to hire your own valet service.

Introduction

I am getting married in the fall.

HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!